If Only
by BabyWonder7
Summary: Pete is still in love with Addison, but does she feel the same about him? He's made the decision to be her gladiator and to fight for who he wants. Sometimes not everyone wants the same things though... Story is MUCH better than the summary!
1. If Only

Okay so this is my first fic. It's a Paddison because in my opinion, they're hot together. Enjoy! :)

**If Only**

Chapter 1:

"If you go now, we don't have a chance. We don't have a chance, if you go now. If you go…"

Addison sat in her wooden beach chair, staring off into the distance. She heard her desperate pleas run through her head for what seemed like the millionth time. But now, this time, it was different. She didn't feel pain. She didn't regret what she'd done. She felt perfectly content with her decision. For the first time in her life, Addison Forbes Montgomery, was free of remorse.

The night was fresh, cool, and absolutely perfect. She couldn't ask for anything more. She sipped her red wine peacefully, thinking of her past. She'd always been the girl to follow the rules. Perfect straight A student, always looked flawless, she went to med school like she'd always dreamed of doing and married the perfect guy. Her life had been so predictable. She still couldn't understand how one night could change all of that, but she wasn't fazed by it. The night with Mark made her realize that she could be so perfectly imperfect, and be all right with her flaws. Being the best at everything was so exhausting. Mark had always been the one to teach her new things, but he had moved on, and so had she. Now some crazy voodoo, tea obsessed, acupuncture healing hippy had changed her. He became her best friend within days. It was amazing how such a friendship could develop after an incredible kiss in a stairwell. Everything started moving so quickly after that. She moved to L.A. for a reason she claims is because she needed a change. A part of her still won't allow her to admit she moved in the hopes to develop a relationship with him. How crazy they would think she is! Now, just a week after he stood her up, she sat heart-broken watching the waves crash along the shore. He's tried to call too many times to count, but she can't bring herself to pick up the phone. Addison wants so unbelievably bad to talk to him, but how could she? She was afraid she'd blurt something out, and hurt him. That was the last thing she wished. So she held her stare, waiting, wishing, and praying the phone would finally stop. She'd gone out on a date with Kevin, a man her best friend referred to as "Hot Cop." She's tried dating another man, whom she couldn't and didn't exactly wish to remember. He referred to himself as, "Trunk," and was one of Violet's, the practice's psychiatrist's, patients. That's all she could recall. But no one would measure up to Pete. Addison knew it, her friends knew it, and even Charlotte King knew it! If only she knew a way to get back to the way things were. If only she were able to go back to making out on countertops, spontaneous kisses on the beach, and whispering cute sayings in the others ear. Oh, how she wished she could get back to that place.

Finally she gave up. Grasping the phone firmly in her hand, she answered coyly.

"Hello"?

"Addison! Addie, please… Don't hang up. I've tried to call you-"

"I know. My phone hasn't had a freaking break in god knows how long. What do you want Pete? I'm really not in the mood for a friendly chat here."

Her response came out much more harshly than intended, but she decided to go with it. For once, she needed to hold her ground.

"Addie-"

"Don't call me that," she interrupter unpleasantly.

"Dr. Montgomery?" he asked shyly, but she could hear him smirking.

"Now you're just being annoying. What do you want"?

"You. I want to be with you. I didn't get to tell you why I didn't show the other night. Please…Uh… Ma'am, give me a chance to explain."

"Now you just make me sound old. Thanks." The smile grew on her face; she knew she was blowing it. He just made her all bright and shiny inside, she just couldn't help it. "Fine. Tomorrow at the Ivy, be there at 9:30. And Wilder, don't be late."

"Will do Red."

She smirked to herself as she hung up the phone. She did it; she didn't quit. This was going to happen for her. Addison Montgomery was going to get her happy ending, even if she had to work for years until she got there. Pete had to be the man she wanted to marry. She could feel it.

Please comment and tell me what you think!


	2. If Only I Could Hold On

If Only

**If Only**

Chapter 2:

Addison woke up with a content smile on her face. Thinking back, she couldn't remember the last time she'd slept this well. She rolled over to look at her alarm clock.

"Mm, nine." She whispered sleepily to herself. Slowly waking up, she thought back to the previous night. She sucked in air so quickly she momentarily choked. "NINE! I'm meeting him in thirty minutes!" Addison jumped out of bed and ran to pick something out to wear. She chose her favorite casual lucky 7 jeans, and her most comfortable Gucci cami. "No need to dress up," she stated quietly to herself. Although, she did add a pair of black, three inch Christian Dior sling backs, just because. She knew how amazing the simple outfit would make her look. Why not let Pete enjoy what he's definitely missing?

She jumped in the shower, which could possibly be the shortest one she's ever taken. Skipping her now routine morning towel dance, she went to blow dry her hair. She checked the clock. 9:07. She was doing all right. Deciding to let her hair flow in its natural waves, she slipped on her clothes, sprayed some Chanel No. 5, put on some light eye liner and mascara –even though she didn't need it- and flew out the door.

She arrived at the Ivy just three minutes late.

"Not bad," she said to no one in particular. She slipped the valet her keys and gracefully made her way to the entrance. The young woman, who was the typical Hollywood stereotype, escorted her to their table.

Pete was sitting silently at the table when she approached him. He was nursing what looked like a chilled beer, but quickly stood up when she came nearer. "Wow, he looks amazing," she thought to herself. She added a brief, "Damn," under her breath.

He flashed his award-winning smile, which she returned hesitantly.

"Wow, Addison… You look great."

Pete pulled her chair out for her and sat down at the opposite end of the table.

"They're jeans Pete. Ever heard of them"? She paused. Why was she being so defensive?

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out that way."

"It's okay. You have a right to be upset with me."

"Yeah, I do. How could you?"

"Addie-"

"Pete I told you not to call me that." She answered sternly.

"I'm sorry. I'm just so used to it, that's all." She could see his face slowly crumble. Oh god, it just killed her inside to see him hurt. This isn't what she wanted. In fact, this is exactly what she wanted to avoid.

"Pete, I'm sorry. It's just… It's just that, when we were together as, whatever we were, that's what you called me. It just hurts to know that it's gone."

"You don't think that it hurts me too?!" He slowly started to raise his voice.

"Of course I do! But you don't need to take it out on me! I was there, waiting for you all night! Where were you Pete? What's your excuse?" Addison could hear her voice becoming louder and more accusatory. Who did he think he was? This wasn't her fault! It's not like she stood herself up for god's sake!

"Addison, I just couldn't do it. You're right, you can't just be another notch in my acupuncture table, and I want more too."

She slowly felt her throat tighten. No, she couldn't let him get to her. She wouldn't.

Pete continued, "It can't just be about the kissing, and the other non twelve year old activities." He felt himself smirk as he said this. Addison on the other hand pursed her lips in anger when he said this. Did he think this was a joke? Was this funny to him?

"I want to give this another try. A real try. I just want to take things slow, one thing at a time. When we're ready, we can take another step. What do you say? Do you want to do this?" While he said this he came over to her side of the table, and had grabbed her hand.

"You really want to know?" Addison asked with a softer tone.

"I really do want to know how you feel about giving me a second chance."

"No." She replied fiercely and with an edge to her voice that made him drop her hand and step away. "You hurt me, you BROKE me. Hell no I don't want to give you another chance. Not right now. So back off. And stop calling me."

With that Addison got up and walked out. The valet rushed to her, and gave her the keys instantly. Just as Pete was coming out, Addison was getting into the driver's seat.

"Addison, can we please talk about this?" he pleaded.

"No. There is nothing to talk about. Good bye Pete."

As soon as the words left her mouth she was off. Driving away from what seemed to be the only important thing in her life right now. The only thing she had left to hold on to.


	3. If Only This Could Work

If Only

**If Only**

Chapter 3:

As soon as Addison was out of sight she pulled over to the side of the road and let the tears stream down her face. What did she do? No, what did he do? This wasn't her fault. She did everything the right way. But if she did, why did this feel so wrong?

Pete stood there, staring off into the distance. He had watched her car slowly disappear, moving further and further away from him. What was he doing? Why did he let her go? That was it! He kindly asked the valet for his keys and when they were in his possession he tipped him generously and drove off quickly into the sunset towards her. He stopped next to a car that he was positive was Addison's. He got out and slowly walked towards her.

"Um, Addison"?

"Pete? What the hell are you doing here? Did I not make myself clear"?

He could tell she was angry, rather pssed in fact. All he wanted to do was make her happy. She wasn't very open to that option.

"Are you okay? I really-"

"Pete? Just stop, okay? Just get the hell away from me. You want me back? Fine. Then prove it. Now get away from my car or so help me god I will run your ass over." She said it calmly, but with a look in her eye that assured him she was serious. He backed up, and again watched her speed off into the darkness.

The next day at Oceanside Wellness was very tense between both Pete and Addison. Unfortunately the laboring mom's didn't care about the fact that they were on the verge of a physical outrage, and they all decided to have a child the very same day. There had been five childbirths and two of them turned out to be unusually long surgeries. They had lost one baby and a mom. Addison was not in the mood to be pursued today and was emotionally and physically drained. She sat in her office for hours, crying uncontrollably. She thought about how the mother must feel, without her child. She also thought about how the little baby girl would feel growing up without a mother to take her shopping, or to do her makeup, or to prepare her for her prom. God, she felt horrible. She loved her job, but there were some days when she just wanted to burry herself alive. This was one of those days, but ten times worse. Not only was she hurting for the mom and baby. She had to think of what to do with Pete also. Just then, a brilliant idea came to her mind. One of the best all day. She picked up her phone and quickly dialed, her long, elegant fingers gliding smoothly over keys.

"Hello"?

"Hey, I need a favor!"

"Addie, it's two in the morning here. Can this favor wait"?

"No, it can't wait!"

"I need you to fly out here."

"To L.A."?

"No, to New York. Yes to L.A.!"

"Dang, you must really be desperate."

"Like you wouldn't believe. So what do you say? Please"?

"You of all people, Addie, know that I can't say no to the adorable little puppy face you're doing."

"You're in Seattle, how did you know"?

"I can hear it. And I just know you. Okay, so I'll be on the first flight out."

"Thank you! I totally owe you!"

"Bet your cute little perky ass you do."

"Hm, still cocky and made completely of ego. This will definitely work."

"Care to fill me in here"?

"You'll see. But I can assure you. You'll love it."

Addison hung up the phone and slipped into bed. She was sure she would get a great night sleep tonight. She's going to need it.


	4. If Only He Knew

Addison + Mark If Only

Chapter 4:

The next morning Addison arrived at the practice later than normal, but no one seemed to notice, except for Pete. The second he saw her he came rushing towards her. Coming quickly face to face with her, she spoke first.

"Hello Pete. How's your morning?"

Her tone was cold so Pete decided to ease into things.

"Good. Thank you. Listen, I really need to talk to you."

"Hm, really? Well, I have three patients to take care of before noon. Start talking."

But not a second later the elevator doors dinged open and there he was. She felt herself smirk but couldn't help it. He always seemed to have the best timing.

"Addison! Oh my god I haven't seen you forever!"

"Hey! Oh I've missed you! How's Seattle?" she asked while hugging him.

"Seattle is… Seattle. Same type of crap. So, is this the new practice you've been telling me about"?

"Yeah, it is. It'll be just as much yours as it is mine for the next couple of weeks. I talked to Sam and Naomi and they just have a little paperwork for you to fill out. After that, you're free to do whatever for today. You'll start tomorrow."

Pete saw the huge grin on her face and couldn't hold back.

"Addison, who the hell is this?" he asked with an edge to his voice.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Pete-"

"Is this the ex-husband? Derek?"

He said it with disgust in his voice. He was well aware of the fact that he most likely sounded like a jealous jerk, but he couldn't help it. To be honest, he didn't care at the moment. Why would a man that hurt her so badly care enough to come visit her? Not only that, but they act like long last friends! Or worse, lovers.

Addison and the man laughed for a moment. Why was this funny to them? He didn't find it the least bit amusing.

"Pete, this is not Derek. In fact, he's the complete opposite."

With that, the two walked away, leaving Pete alone trying desperately to think of any Seattle friends she has brought up in the past.


	5. If Only He Missed Me

If Only

**If Only**

Chapter 5:

"So, Mark, how have you really been"? The two were in Addison's office, enjoying their privacy so they could catch up.

"I've been good Addie. Hey, who was that guy back there"?

"Well, that's the reason why I called you out here. We dated for a while, and when we were finally ready to take a step, he stood me up."

"You! Is he insane?!"

"Awww. Jealous McSteamy…"

"I'm not jealous just pssed off. He stood up my best friend. You're Addison, you don't get stood up."

"That's what I said. Okay, well just forget about that now. He asked me for another chance and I turned him down. I told him that if he wanted me, he had to prove it. So I asked you to come out here to see how he will react. I want him to fight for me, Mark."

"I fought for you." He had such a gloomy look on his face. No, she had to stay strong. She wanted Pete. They'd had their chance.

"Mark, this isn't about us. It can't be about us, alright"?

"I'm sorry. I, I miss you Addie."

"I miss you too. But can you do me a favor"?

"I'd do anything for you."

"I need you to pretend that we're together."

"I'd love to," was his response followed by a suggestive grin.

"Not like that. Just, be flirty, touchy but don't go overboard, and… act like my boyfriend. Go along with my lead, okay"?

"Easy enough."


	6. If Only We Were Actually Happy

If Only

**If Only**

Chapter 6:

The next time the "happy couple" met back up with Pete was around two. He was talking to Cooper at the front desk. The second Pete saw them he turned around and Cooper hurriedly exited the room.

"Hello Addison. Hi um…"

"Oh, right. This is my manwhore, Mark." She smiled sweetly as the two men shook hands and stared the other down intently.

"Your manwhore"?

"Well, yes. We met back up a little while back, exchanged recent phone numbers, and he called last night and asked if I wanted to get together. Perfect timing, huh"?

"Excellent."

Addison could see him gritting his teeth out of anger. She couldn't help it, she was overcome by joy.

"Wait, is this Mark? The Mark? Derek's Mark"?

"Yes. We decided to see where things go. Jealous…?"

"No." His reply came a little too quickly, and she was positive that was a lie.

"Okay, well good. We'll see you tomorrow? We're taking the rest of the day off to get… reacquainted with each other." She paused purposely between the two words, just to give it more meaning and Mark through in a little wink for fun.

"Yeah well, you do that."

They smiled and Mark slung his arm around her wait and led her to the elevator. The doors shut and Pete let out a disappointed sigh that he wasn't even aware he was holding in. How was he supposed to win her over now? He needed to give her, her fireworks. He needed to win her over. There was just one problem. How?


	7. If Only It Were You

If Only

**If Only**

Chapter 7:

It had been a week since Mark showed up. Since the very beginning Addison had noticed a jealous glint in Pete's eyes. But he was too stubborn to admit it. The jealous look wasn't the only thing she noticed. In fact it was probably the farthest thing from her mind looking at him now. He'd just gotten back from his morning jog, and had come into the office to freshen up so he didn't have to go all the way back to his place. His muscular arms and legs were a golden tan. He still had beads of sweat on his skin, but in an attractive way. She watched him, he mouth slightly agape, as he pulled off his shirt in his office to help cool him down. At that moment she felt someone wrap their arms around her. Startled she turned around quickly, but once she saw the familiar face, her muscles relaxed and she gave him a warm hug.

"Hmm, hey Mark."

"Hey. Someone's enjoying her view."

"I'm not-"

"Relax Addie," he replied soothingly, "It's me remember? You can tell me anything." He smiled a reassuring smile.

"I'm losing my patience. I don't want to wait to be with him. I never thought I would be the one to give in and beg for him back. I just want to be able to hug him again. You know, he always gave the best hugs."

"Addison, I said you could tell me anything, right"?

"Yeah." She said it hesitantly, trying to figure out what it was he was implying.

"I didn't say turn me into one of your freking girlfriends." He said it teasingly but she knew he was serious. "Can't you go talk to Naomi or Violet about this?" he whined.

"Yeah, I guess. Thanks Mark." She smiled and quickly kissed him on the cheek.

Mark watched her turn the corner and then looked in Pete's window. He sat there, at his desk freshly dressed looking quite handsome, reading at a few papers.

"You better not hurt her again," he said gruffly under his breath. "I still care about my best friend."

Addison walked in the kitchen at the practice. She was definitely in the mood for some of her "gooey green crap" as Dell liked to call it. It was lunchtime, and she was sure the girls would walk in at any minute. She waiting for about ten minutes until she finally heard someone come in and open the fridge behind her. She turned around in one swift movement, but only to be greeted by Pete, who was inches from her face. She stayed still for a while, not wanting to make the first move. After about twenty seconds of eyes staring back at one another, taking casual glances down every few moments to look at the other's lips and revisiting old memories, they backed away at the same time.

"Hi." Pete was the first one to speak. He acted casually as if they hadn't spent the last few seconds the way they had.

"Hey." Addison didn't know how to respond. She didn't want to be easy. But Pete has been through enough. She didn't want to be to hard on him either.

"You're eating lunch"? The question didn't come out sounding like one. It sounded more like a statement than anything else.

"Yeah, I am. I was, um, waiting for Nay and Violet but um, they haven't come yet. Well, obviously." The last phrase was said sweetly and ended with a smile. She then continued, "Do you uh, do you want to sit? Maybe talk for a little while"?

"Yeah, sure. Thanks." He smiled appreciatively. Maybe they were getting somewhere? Maybe she was considering upgrading him to friend? He didn't know, but he decided to just go along with it. Addison knew what she wanted, and he would be more than happy to give her exactly that.

"So how are you, Pete? Are you okay"?

"I've been better. I'm not horrible though. Thanks for asking." The conversation was tense, so he figured, what the hell? Why not just ask. She he did. "How's the manwhore"?

"Mark"? He nodded slightly. "He's great. We're doing well. It's still hard when I'm constantly thinking about…" She let her words trail off, she couldn't finish the sentence.

"Constantly thinking about what"?

"Um, nothing. Will you just tell Naomi and Violet to come into my office"?

"Sure. Are you positive you're alright"?

She could feel the tears clouding her eyes. She had to get out fast. "I'm. Great. Perfect."

She walked quickly out the door, mumbling to herself. The only words he could work out of the tied together phrases were, "fanfrickentastic." Right then and there, he knew he had her. She wouldn't be this disoriented if he didn't. Addison never acted out of place, and she never second doubted herself. Until now.


	8. If Only I Weren't Alone

If Only

**If Only**

Chapter 8:

Addison sat in her office. Alone. With no one to comfort her. She was trembling as the tears streaked her already mascara stained cheeks. She almost said it she almost gave in. She knew he wanted to be with her, why couldn't she let him? Why couldn't she accept it? Addison knew she wanted to be with him too. With Pete, Addison saw a future full of happiness, a house, and beautiful kids. Three things she thought she'd already had, but had been so far from in the end.

"Why did I let him go"? She slowly asked herself. "Why do I keep hurting myself"?

Pete watched silently from outside. Her door was slightly ajar, so he could hear what she was quietly saying. The words were muffled, but he understood. God, he understood so clearly. Why didn't she tell him? He had stopped trying, and given up, all because he thought she didn't think it was the right thing. Listening to her now, he couldn't feel any worse. No, this wasn't his fault. He tried to get her to give him another chance. Just then, he realized it was in fact his fault. She shouldn't have had to give him a second chance. He messed up, and she couldn't trust him. He gasped as he suddenly realized the reality.

"That's what I need to do…" He mumbled. The second the words left his mouth he ran from the practice. Addison heard footsteps by her door, got out of her chair, and arrived at the window just in time to see Pete race by.

"Oh god. Did he hear me? No, no he couldn't have possibly heard me. There's no way. Ugh, crazy Addison, crazy me with my insane freking thoughts." She rolled her eyes and returned to her desk.

One hour later and Addison had only seen one patient the entire day. Naomi and Violet had come in to her office and placed themselves on her couch before she had time to protest.

"Addison, what are you doing?" Naomi asked.

"I'm sitting at my desk, annoyed and p!ssed off at the world. You"?

"That's not what I meant. I meant what are you doing? With Mark? You know how badly that worked out the first time. Why are you hurting yourself again? It's not fair. And why aren't you with Pete? You know how perfect you two were. I know that you still love him. You've never stopped."

"Nai. Please. I really don't want to do this right now. Really."

"Addison, you need to let this out. It's not healthy." Violet stated it calmly, like she would talk to one of her patients.

"You know what Violet, I'm not one of your effing patients okay! Just back off!" Violet sat up, stunned at her sharp remark. "Vi, I'm… I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that. I just, I haven't gotten any sleep. I have a lot on my mind. I'm. I'm a horrible person!" Addison burst into tears. "You're right guys, what am I doing"?

"Okay, I'll start with saying it's okay. Second, I know for a fact, considering your little outburst seconds ago, that you're not okay. Now, out of therapy mode, let's figure out what to do. How do we get him back"?

"Violet, he hates me. Who could forgive me after all of this"?

"Pete's a great guy, and I know he's still in love with you."

"And how the hell would you know that?" Naomi asked sternly but still with a hint of kindness.

"I'm his best friend. Well, one of them. He tells me everything." Violet looked at Addison and smiled a small smile.

Addison had to ask, "Who's his other best friend"?

"He thought you were, but now he's not sure."

"I wish I still was. I just don't know how to show him that." Addie wiped the tears from her eyes as they slowed to just a few here and there.

"You act like it. Help him, talk to him, care for him and love him."

"I don't want to make it that easy though. He hurt me. I don't want to hurt him back, but he needs to realize that it can't always be so easy."

"Hmmm… "

"Hmm? What? That's all you can say"?

"Yeah. Oh and why were you talking to yourself today"?

"What? Why are you changing the subject? Especially to one so meaningless and… pointless"?

"Because you, Addison Forbes Montgomery-Sheppard, never talk to yourself unless you really have something on your mind. What is it"?

"Um, hello?! Have you not listened to a word I've said"?

"Oh okay so it's just Pete"?

"Yeah. But I hate being the stupid mumbling FREAK that talks to herself. I need a dog, a bird, fish, or… or something."

"No, you need Pete."

"Yeah. Yeah I do."


	9. If Only He Mattered

If Only

**If Only**

Chapter 9:

Pete walked into Addison's office but she was nowhere to be found. Suddenly he heard her familiar laugh and headed towards the direction it was coming from. He stopped when he saw Addison with a handsome man handing over her card. She looked up from the man to Pete, and gave him a questioning look.

"Heyyy Pete. Who are the flowers for?" She asked him in a slow manner.

"Um. Just a, just… Naomi. They're for her office. A thank you for the party the other night." He smiled but she saw right past his glassy eyes and weak smile, she knew they were supposed to be for her.

"Oh okay," she responded, "well that's nice."

"Yeah. So, who's this?"

"Oh I'm sorry! Pete, this is Dr. Sean."

"Pleasure." Pete replied coldly. "So, how do you two know each other?"

"Well, we don't really actually," Dr. Sean responded, "but Addie here was kind enough to give me her number, and accepted my offer to dinner tonight." He smiled a huge grin.

Addison blushed, and looked at Pete, then to Dr. Sean and smiled. "So I'll see you tonight? At 8?" She asked flirtatiously.

She could see Pete getting angrier and angrier by the second, and to be honest she felt bad. But if she wanted him, she needed to make sure he wanted her too.

"Sounds perfect."

"Nothing's perfect." Replied Pete with a strong glare.

Dr. Sean just nodded his head, kissed Addison on the cheek, and walked away. The two were left standing alone.

"He calls you Addie?" Pete asked sounding hurt.

"Um, yeah, I guess."

"Addison, these flowers were for you! Not Naomi! I came here to tell you I'm sorry, and that, I just want to be able to try again."

"Pete, I can't do this right now."

"Fine, but I'm not giving up. I'm fighting. As cliché as this may sound, I want to be your gladiator… I'm leaving the cowboy part out for now." He smirked and watched as she tried her hardest not to do so herself. Then her face hardened.

"You want to fight for me? Fine. But you get to prove that you care, prove to me that you really are sorry. Then I'll think about forgiving you. Until then, I have a date to get ready for."

"Fine. But know that, I'm not going anywhere. Do you want the flowers still?" He tilted them towards her and she took them with a polite smile.

"How did you know lilies were my favorites?"

"Because you aren't like any other women, you don't like the same things. So, I figured roses would be expected, and something with different types of flowers would be too much. So, lilies."

"Pete, thanks." She smiled before going towards her office.

"Welcome!" He yelled after her, then lowered his voice to just above a whisper and said, "Love you." He turned around and was staring Violet straight in the face.

"Love. Hmm. Strong word there Pete."

"I know. But it's true. Vi, I've never felt like this before. Not even about Anna."

"Okay, Pete? I know you love her, but the mushy thing just isn't my thing. Okay?"

"So I'm guessing things didn't go well with Cooper then."

"Pete?"

"Yeah?"

"Go away."

"Come on Vi. We could talk, work it out..."

"You aren't my shrink." She slammed the door and closed the blinds. Pete walked back to his office.


	10. If Only He Were Annoying

If Only

**If Only**

Chapter 10:

Addison had Dr. Anthony Sean meet her at her office. When he arrived he brought roses.

"For you." He said in a charming voice while handing them over and kissing her hand.

"Oh thank you so much! They're really nice." She responded uneasily. Just then she saw Pete outside the door.

"Well I'll just go get a vase, put these in some water and we can go."

"Alright."

Addison and Anthony walked outside of her office when Addie was done making sure the roses would be all right. She walked past Pete on her way out and quietly whispered, "One to zero. Good luck Wilder." She winked and then followed Anthony into the elevator. She couldn't help but notice the huge smile on Pete's face.

Addison and Anthony had a great dinner on the pier. The night was gorgeous, and everything was perfect, she just couldn't get Pete off of her mind. Just then Anthony brought her back to reality as they were walking up to her house.

"Addison? Are you okay? You just seem to be, thinking about something else."

"No, I'm fine. Thank you so much for everything." She smiled sincerely.

"It was my pleasure. Listen, I was hoping you'd meet me again tomorrow night. I thought if you'd like to, maybe we could go dancing?"

"Yeah, that sounds good. I have to warn you though, I can't dance. Bring steel toed boots, you're going to definitely need them."

"That can be arranged."

"Alright. Well thank you again."

"Thank you." He leaned in to kiss her but she tilted her head so he instead kissed her cheek.

"Night," Addie said shyly.

"Goodnight." And with that, Anthony disappeared into the night, and Addison retired to her home. She let herself in and went to turn on the lights. She looked outside her doors that led to her porch and saw a dark figure sitting there. She quickly grabbed the closest thing she could find, which happened to be a lamp, and went quietly to the doors. She opened the doors quickly and the figure turned around.

"Hey." After the word left his mouth she hit him as hard as she could with the pole of the lamp. He fell back into his chair and she quickly flicked on the lights.

"Addison! Relax! It's me!" He said in a rushed voice.

"Pete?" She dropped the pole.

"Yes! God. I think you broke my skull."

"Da.mn it Wilder! You broke my lamp!"

"I broke your lamp?! Seriously?!"

"Don't say that."

"Say WHAT?!"

"Seriously"

"Um, okay…."

"It's a Seattle thing. What are you doing out here at 11 at night on my freking porch is what I want to know. I could call the cops. You could be arrested for trespassing."

"And you could be arrested for assault. There, we're even."

"Come inside. It's starting to swell."

"Well no sh!t! You just beat me with a wooden pole."

"Sorry. But you can't blame me. I'm going to ask again, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see how your date went."

"Um. Good." She quickly adverted her eyes when he tried to look at her.

"No I'm pretty sure your date sucked."

"And how would you know that?" asked Addison defensively.

"Because, I know you," Pete replied with a cocky tone.

"You know what?"

"What?"

"You're kind of annoying." Addison started up the stairs with a cold ice pack.

"Aw. You know you love me."

She turned around and hurled the ice pack back at his head. He caught it just before it smacked him in the face, quickly losing but regaining his balance.

"Hm. Good catch."

"Jesus Addison! Are you trying to hurt me?"

"I don't know is it working?" He followed her into her bedroom and into the bathroom.

"Yeah, actually. Man, how did you learn how to throw that hard?"

"Ten years of softball will do that to ya."

"Softball?"

"You have a problem Wilder? Here wrap that in this towel and put it on your face."

"I don't have a problem. Well besides the fact that you underestimate my own skills as a doctor."

"What do you want herbs and a voodoo doll? Will that make it all better?"

"No but herbs and green tea will."

"Sorry. I don't drink tea. Tea is for hippies."

"So now I'm a hippie?"

"See, you said so yourself."

"Very funny. Okay ice will work. I'm kind of dizzy. I don't think I can drive home tonight."

"Nice try Pete, but it's not happening."

"What?"

"Don't try to act innocent! I know what you want."

Pete stood pleading with his eyes.

"Fine, but you're sleeping on the couch. I mean it! Don't try anything."

"Oh, someone gets cranky when they're tired."

"I'm not tired!" Addison yelled after him on her way down the hall.


	11. If Only This Could Continue

If Only

**If Only**

Chapter 11:

Addison and Pete sat on the couch that night watching TV and talking. It was easy to talk to each other, and they had no problem with opening up. Addison talked about how she was an only child and how much she hated her parents, while Pete talked about his wife and why he loathed her so much.

"Pete, I. I had no idea that's why you didn't show up. I feel horrible."

"Don't feel bad Addison. It's my fault, I really should have told you. I'm sorry."

"It's alright. You know, you're a good person Pete. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend, or more."

"Yeah, but there's one problem. I only want one person to be that lucky. And right now, I'm not sure she shares the same interest."

"Pete. It's not that I don't want to be with you. I've been hurt too many times to count-"

"And I haven't?"

"Let me finish. I just have a really hard time trusting people now. You've already broken me once. I just don't want to go through it all again. It's not fair to either one of us."

"I've already lost you once. I can't lose you again."

"Well, it's only been a day, and I've already caved. Get some sleep. I'm going to bed."

Pete quickly pulled her in for a sweet, soft kiss. He pulled her close to him, and rested his hand on the small of her back while the other lightly caressed her cheek. Addison froze for a second, but then slowly started kissing him back. She was quickly falling back into their old routine. Pete moved one hand through her hair. Addison quickly pulled back breathless.

"Pete. I can't. Not yet." Her voice was full of remorse. She just couldn't do it yet.

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm just going to… sleep. Night Addie."

"Night Pete" Addie bolted up the stairs and went straight to her room and closed the door. Tears flooded her eyes. She wanted to be with him right now so bad. She wanted to feel his hugs, him holding her at night, and have him kiss away all of the bad things. Why did she do this to herself?

Pete looked at the clock, which read 3 A.M. He could hear Addison crying from all the way downstairs. He had to do something. He slowly got up and made his way quickly and quietly up the stairs. He opened the door just a crack and whispered her name.

"Yeah?" Her voice cracked.

"Addie, are you alright?" She turned over quickly and looked him in the eyes. He stared back at her watery eyes.

"Am I okay? No Pete! I'm not! I'm not over you! I want to be with you! But I can't, alright?! I can't!"

"And why not?"

"Because! Everytime I let someone in I get hurt! I get left!"

"Without hurt there would be no compassion."

"Yeah? Well tell that to the one that's hurting."

Pete quickly stripped down to just his boxers and climbed in beside her.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"Sleeping. Sleep Addie. I'm not going to do anything."

"Um. Okay. Pete I swear, do one thing without my consent and I'll smack you again."

"Without your consent huh?" He winked.

"Ugh!" She smacked his arm.

"Alright, sorry." He pulled her close to him. She could feel his chest rise and fall as her muscles became less tense. The last think she remembered before being engulfed in a peaceful slumber was him whispering in her ear that he loved her, always had, and always will.


	12. If Only I Let Him

If Only

**If Only**

Chapter 12:

Addison woke up with Pete as close as he could possibly get to her. His arm was draped loosely around her hip while his other was comfortably placed underneath her. She tried not to move. She wanted to enjoy being with him for just a little while longer. Unfortunately the alarm clock disagreed and decided to go off. Addison rolled over to look at Pete.

"Mmm… What time is it?"

"Five."

"FIVE?! In the morning?

"Mhmm."

"Why would you wake up at five?"

"Wilder? I'm girl. I need time to get ready."

"Well turn the da.mn thing off because I don't!"

"So. You don't believe in alarm clocks do you?"

"Nope. They just start your day with stress."

"Hmmm. Interesting. Well I'm taking a shower. Don't perk up like that you're either going home to get ready or taking one after me."

"Hurry up then!" Pete called after her.

"Alright!" Addison yelled back.

Addison was shampooing her hair when she heard someone come into the bathroom. She felt a cold rush of air and turned around, staring a barely dress Pete in the face.

"Pete?! What the hell?!"

"Wanna take a shower?"

"NO! I would have offered! Now go!"

"Fine just thought I'd ask." He looked her up and down, then slipped back out of the shower.

"Oh. My. God! I'm going to kill you!"

"Double points if you kill me like that."

"Shut up."

Pete got into the shower while Addison was getting ready. He came out with nothing but a towel, and was followed by steam. Addison watched him in the mirror for a second until he came up behind her and pulled her close to him while he whispered, "Like what cha see?"

"Pete, get off of me."

"You didn't answer my question. And that's not what you actually want, is it?"

"No what I want is to get ready."

"No Addie, what you want is me." She rolled her eyes but smiled at him.

"Pete we can't do this. I have another date with Anthony tonight."

"Ah come on! I thought we'd actually try this!"

"What ever happened to you fighting for me?"

"That hasn't changed."

"Good because neither has my mind. Don't burn the house down while I'm gone."

"Wait so I can stay?"

"Oh. Um. Well yeah sure, I guess."

"Cool. See you after you get home then."

"You aren't going in today?"

"Nope."

"Ugh. Bye!"

"Bye Addie."


	13. If Only We Could Go Farther

**Alright, I have to say that I am INCREDIBLY sorry I haven't updated! Thanks to everyone that continued to remind me to update, I really do appreciate it! I hope you like this next chapter! Oh, and sorry all of the chapters are so short. They seem so much longer on windows. / Enjoy!**

**Please let me know what you think, just so I know there are people reading this. : Thanks!**

**If Only**

Chapter 13:

Addison spent all day worrying about what Pete was doing in her house. With her thinking about that, Naomi constantly getting after Sam, and Violet moping around it had been a very long day. All she wanted to do was go home and escape from the rest of the Practice. She walked through her threshold looking around. The house was dark but there was a faint light coming from the television. She walked closer seeing Pete lying on the couch sleeping with one hand hanging down touching her soft, tan carpet, and the other protectively covering the remote on his stomach. She decided to leave him be for a while longer and went into the kitchen to quietly make some coffee for her and tea for him.

It surprised her how much she knew about him. She knew that his favorite tea was raspberry, not too hot or too cold. He hated the Yankees and loved the Giants. His favorite color is hunter green, but he hates it if it's too yellow. He loves a night in, but would kill for a night out just to show off his girl. He drinks beer, never any straight alcohol. And he loves her. "Shit." She muttered barely loud enough for even her to hear.

She turned around to see the coffee and tea finished. Pouring each beverage into a glass she made her way back to her living room to a sleeping Pete and set down the glasses on her coffee table. "Pete," she whispered, "Pete wake up." A small smile crept across his face and his hand reached out. "Pete I made you some tea, raspberry," she quietly said. Before she knew what was going on he had flipped over to face her and was gently caressing her cheek. They looked each other in the eyes, and had never felt so at home. Slowly he inched his face towards hers, still looking into her beautiful eyes. "Pete, what are you doing," she asked just an inch away from his face not wanting him to stop but considering what it may mean. He didn't answer her question, just pressed his lips softly but firmly against hers. She put her hand on his chest but didn't push back. They sat there for a second before he decided to try something more. Slowly he opened his lips the littlest bit, hesitant and worried about how she might react. To his surprise she returned the kiss. He caught her bottom lip between his, loving the tension between them. Her soft moan was barely audible but heard by Pete. She went to kiss him again, and he went a step farther. Kissing her with force and the slightest bit of tongue. She pulled back quickly, out of breath and not knowing what to say.

"Pete, I can't. I, I have a date with Anthony. This isn't right. I'm with him." She stuttered trying to stabilize her breathing and clear her head so she could figure out what exactly just happened. "No Addison. You can. You don't have to be with him. He doesn't need you, but I do. And you know that you need me Addie. We know each other; we work well with each other. Please Addie, just. Kiss me again." He pleaded with his eyes for her to stay with him, to let him hold her and kiss her. She froze. Not knowing what to do or say next.


End file.
